Today’s update is more of a reflection.
I’ve given up on printing this book in Nigeria* and for sale.
I finally got my samples from Victor (the second printer I resorted to). ‘Finally’ because it took him two weeks and one of my followers (@avatur9, thank you) calling him and pretending to be my angry boss for him to send the books to me. Not even up to 15 minutes after I sent them Victor’s number, I received a call from someone saying Victor had sent them to the park to send the books to me in Enugu.
The samples were bad.
For one, the ‘d’s in italicised sections were missing. It was Victor who printed for me the samples I used in October/November for the showcase at Soto Gallery, and that took him (and his boys) half a day. The two complaints (visible glue stains, sticking out threads) I had for those samples were corrected in this one, but so many things that were right in November’s samples were wrong here.
I’m going to place an order for 2-10 copies from a printer in London or Leeds. I know books they’ve made and I have someone who can bring it to Enugu for me soon. (I may consider Doculand in VI/Ikoyi* as well, but I’m sick to my stomach thinking of explaining my book to a company that doesn’t specialise in printing books like Restful.)
But first, Radhika, my editorial designer, has sweetly offered to get quotes from printers she has worked with (she’s in SA, but I don’t know what city). Depending on their response, I may print with them instead.
Finally, I feel free of the nerves and anxiety that have plagued me since I began this project wondering how I’ll be able to print it in Nigeria to the level of quality and consistency I need, and without the price of the book reaching 40/50k.
The more people I met along the way, the more instances I saw of how inconsistent and low the quality of the product and experiences were in this venture, especially if the outcome was going to be affordable. As I write, a slideshow of the people I told variations of “I’ll show you that it is possible” crosses my mind. Maybe someone else can make it possible, just not me.
I cried a fair amount yesterday as chatGPT talked to me about how farmers go to farm, knowing very well that the harvest isn’t entirely up to them, no matter how skillful they are or how good their seeds or tools. It was sad to concede defeat. Especially when I’ve already gone as far as announcing that Restful is now a publishing company bringing you printed books 🤭. (I’m just gonna leave that for now.)
I’m tired and I’m happy to give up on this particular path rn. Time to refocus on how best to deliver what’s left. This is not a post calling for ‘hang in there’ or ‘keep going’. I’m not going anywhere and I’m absolutely picking my battles. There’s a time to laugh and a time to cry. A time to dream big and a time to cut one’s losses. A time to push and a time to let the obstacles redirect your steps. I’ve never met a disappointment in my life that wasn’t a wonderful redirection + lesson.
I’m also relieved to drop any ambitions of selling this book. The process of trying has been transformative, allowing me to loop another circle in my journey of appreciating my value, my particular gifts and my lackings. And I don’t want to be built for this particular type of entrepreneurial activity in Nigeria. Maybe in another country with different systems/infrastructure.
This brings this series to an end. The next time you hear from me, it will be to share news of the final anything. I do not know when that will come. I wish you peace and, if you like, the courage to put yourself out there, to give things your best, knowing fully well that the harvest isn’t entirely up to you.
The only certain reward for having faith is a faithful life. It’s enough for me.
-Immaculata
So incredibly proud of you Immaculata. It's the spirit of the work that counts, and yours is burning bright. Thank you for being an inspiration.
For what it's worth, this is you practicalizing sweet medicine and that long road to healing broken systems in Nigeria (that thing you said about Nigeria happening to you and you happening to Nigeria). You brought faith and resilience and gave a chance to—if we're being honest—an objectively doubted system. This will inspire more people to give that faith and chance to the system and maybe one day, Nigeria will respond back and well. It's a long journey and ogadinma, really.